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"Toilet Paper" is the 99th episode of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired on April 2, 2003.

The four boys have to stay after school for building an erect penis out of clay in art class. Annoyed, they take revenge by toilet papering the art teacher Mrs. Dreibel's house during the night. Kyle is horrified to discover that Mrs. Dreibel has kids (saying “You didn’t say nothin’ about no kids, man,” a quote from Scarface), and regrets their actions and has nightmares about their deed and the Dreibel family (a reference to Crime and Punishment). The next day the boys are called to the counselor's office, and Cartman comes up with a bogus alibi: "Last night, all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30, at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy, the Goth chick from the Breakfast Club, was bowling in the lane next to us, and we asked her for her autograph, but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her out to her car, but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45, at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46. " Kyle is confused on the details of the story, and Cartman grows concerned that Kyle might confess.

Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady starts to investigate the crime, but is unable to come up with any solid clues. In a parody of Silence of the Lambs, he seeks help from Josh, a convicted toilet paperer, who is currently serving a sentence in Park County Juvenile Hall for toilet papering over 600 houses in less than a year. After several sessions with Josh, in which Josh applies psychological pressure to Barbrady, he comes a little closer to solving the case. The four boys are also interrogated.

Cartman decides to eliminate the risk of Kyle confessing by taking matters into his own hands. He takes Kyle on a boat on Stark's Pond, and tries to kill him with a wiffle bat, in a scene similar to Fredo’s death scene in The Godfather Part II.

Meanwhile, Barbrady forces a confession out of Butters Stotch, injecting him with sodium pentothal as a truth serum; but his parents ground him for lying and confessing to a crime he didn't commit. After seeing Butters get in trouble for their actions, Kyle is finally able to convince Stan and Kenny that they should confess. Stan tells Cartman that if he has any sense of a conscience, he'll do the same.

The next morning, Barbrady brings Josh along with him to Principal Victoria's office, but the Principal says that the true toilet paperer already confessed. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny also rush into the office, only to find out that Cartman already confessed to get a better deal for himself; each of them end up with two weeks of detention (Cartman gets only one week for "being brave", although as far as he is concerned, one week of detention is still a terrible price to pay). Josh manages to trick the police and flee, then calls Officer Barbrady saying he has something he must do. The final scene shows him approaching the White House with toilet paper as sinister music plays in the background.