From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished"
Single by TISM
from the album De RigueurMortis
Released	2001
Format	CD Single
Recorded	2001
Genre	Alternative rock
Length	??:??
Label	FMR/genre b.goode
Writer(s)	TISM
Producer(s)	?
TISM singles chronology
Thunderbirds Are Coming Out (1998)	If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished (2001)	Honk If You Love Fred Durst (2001)

If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished is the name of the first single by TISM released off De RigueurMortis (2001). It was the only single off the album to have a video. Though some believe the song to be about Nikki Webster, the band have said it isn't, but is more about the appearance of young stars "the costume designer has attempted to create some kind of weird, freaky, sexy bimbette out of someone who is so quintessentially the class dobber."

Contents 1 Song 2 Video 3 Track list 4 See also

The song opens with an audio recording of the Countdown theme song, over which a voice over reads "Hello Australia and welcome to Countdown, I'm Gavin Wood and here's TISM!", as would have been introduced on the television show. The song begins at this introduction and focuses initially on what makes a person skilled, however it quickly dismisses this line due to the interest in the skilled person fading at the age of fourteen.

The song then goes on to detail all the things a child should be able to do before the age of fourteen, or earlier, in order to become a star. If the child cannot do these things, it is said, it's the parents fault for not raising them correctly.

The song then comments, finally, that the age a star traditionally faded was at twenty one. Which then dropped to eighteen, and now it is, as the title suggests, the age of fourteen.

The video features young school-age children in what appears to be an audition. Over the top of the audio come the voice over of TISM vocalists, Ron Hitler-Barassi and Humphrey B. Flaubert who comment on how dismal the children are at whatever it is they are doing and idly wonder what else they could watch on another television station. Finally, at the end of the song, they decide to switch over to SBS.

1. "If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished"

• TISM

TISM discography
Albums
Great Truckin' Songs of the Renaissance | Hot Dogma | Machiavelli and the Four Seasons | Machines Against the Rage | www.tism.wanker.com | De RigueurMortis | The White Albun
EP's
Form and Meaning reach Ultimate Communion | Gentlemen, Start Your Egos | Beasts of Suburban | Australia The Lucky Cunt | Jung Talent Time
Singles
Defecate On My Face | 40 Years - Then Death | The Ballad Of John Bonham's Coke Roadie | I'm Interested In Apathy | Saturday Night Palsy | Martin Scorsese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow | I Don't Want TISM, I Want A Girlfriend | The History Of Western Civilisation | Let's Form A Company | (He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River | Greg! The Stop Sign!! | Garbage | Shut Up - The Footy's On The Radio | Yob | I Might Be A Cunt, But I'm Not A Fucking Cunt | Whatareya? | Thunderbirds Are Coming Out | If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished | Honk If You Love Fred Durst | Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me
Video & DVD
Shoddy & Poor | TISM Television Primer | Incontinent In Ten Continents | Boys In The Hoods | Gold! Gold!! Gold!!! | The White Albun
Other
This Is Serious Mum Demo Tape | The TISM Guide To Little Aesthetics | genre b.goode | Collected Recordings 1986-1993 | tism.bestoff. | Platter