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“Conjoined Fetus Lady”
South Park episode
Nurse Gollum and her sibling
Episode no.	Season 2 Episode 18
Written by	Pam Brady
Directed by	Trey Parker
Production no.	205
Original airdate	June 3, 1998
Season 2 episodes
South Park - Season 2 April 1, 1998 – January 20, 1999
Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus Cartman's Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut Chickenlover Ike's Wee Wee Conjoined Fetus Lady The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka City on the Edge of Forever Summer Sucks Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls Chickenpox Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods Clubhouses Cow Days Chef Aid Spookyfish Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson! Gnomes Prehistoric Ice Man
← Season 1	Season 3 →
List of South Park episodes

"Conjoined Fetus Lady" is the 18th episode of Comedy Central's animated series South Park. It originally aired on June 3, 1998.

After being made fun of by the boys, Pip, for once, shows his anger and hits Kyle Broflovski with a ball during dodgeball. Kyle is sent to Nurse Gollum, the South Park Elementary nurse. Kyle is horrified to discover, however, that she has a dead fetus attached to her head, due to a (fictional) condition called "Conjoined Twin Myslexia." Kyle tells the others. Upon hearing about this and the boys making fun of her, Kyle's mom Sheila sits the boys down and informs them about Nurse Gollum's condition: when a set of twins forms in the womb but one dies. She says that sometimes the dead twin is inside the live one, so each one of the boys might actually have a dead twin that they don't know about (this is an actual rare condition called Fetus in fetu, however this term is not mentioned in the episode). This horrifies the children, including Stan who runs home and attempts to split his head open with an icepick, saying "I have to get it out". An irate Sharon Marsh calls Sheila on the phone, questions her and tells her angrily "the next time you want to scare the hell out of my son, go and sit in the road until a truck runs you over instead." Sheila, who, in order to remedy the unawareness apparent in people of Conjoined Twin Myslexia, decides to help the woman, and winds up causing a "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week" declared in South Park for its sole sufferer.

Meanwhile, the school dodgeball team becomes eligible for competitions, and goes on to fight the State Competition in Denver. In the match, Denver is expected to win because they always beat South park. South Park ends up winning because Pip, the British exchange student, becomes filled with rage whenever kids incorrectly call him "French", giving him the strength to take down the other team. The team take advantage of this anger as a result. In the National competition, the Washington, D.C. team forfeits because of their fear of the inevitable international opponent, China. In China, South Park discovers the Chinese kids to be unstoppable, and the team is crushed until only Pip remains.

Pip, however, manages to win when one of the kids tricks the Chinese into calling him French; he single-handedly annihilates the entire Chinese team, but by this point everyone has decided they don't want to play dodgeball anyway and he gets no credit for it. Back home, the townspeople have donned hats that make them appear to have fetuses on their heads, held a parade for Nurse Gollum, and videotaped her constantly. She angrily declares that she does not want any extra attention or special treatment, and that by doing so they make her feel singled out. She says she only wants to be harassed and ridiculed just like everybody else in the town and storms away. The Principal Victoria and Sheila declare her "ungrateful", but the kids begin to question if the fetus actually makes her smarter.

Kenny is smashed into a wall by a ball thrown during the world dodgeball championship in China. Kyle has been hit hard by a dodgeball and says his post-Kenny's death line very weakly.

• Cartman's line "So, Captain Ahab has to get his whale, huh?" is an almost direct quote from Star Trek: First Contact, which in turn is a reference to Herman Melville's novel Moby-Dick.
• In the book that Kyle's mom shows the boys, one of the pictures is a meld of Micky Dolenz and Michael Nesmith, of The Monkees.
• When Pip throws the ball in his final throw against the Chinese team, the way he spins, throws the ball, then slowly stops spinning, is vaguely reminiscent of the Death Blossom scene in The Last Starfighter.

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